Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in HE MAN's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, April 19th, 2007
3:07 pm	Baby steps This is me, finally out of an emotionally abusive relationship. This is me recovering. Once again I had fallen in love. Im not going to tell much, but that detail I think is essential. I dont want this to look like a cry for attention, but merely a beginning of an explanation towards my behavior these past months. I know that I should be happy, with my newfound knowledge that my life will be much better without her, and that she cannot change, no matter how much I try to help. But that holds no weight over the fact that my heart is completely shattered. People don't change. Its amazing how many times I need to learn that lesson. Its amazing how naive I can be towards people. She always said I was too nice, too caring, and believed in people too much. Through all the break ups, and all the make ups, It never hit me until this last time that this will never change. Its amazing the kinds of things people will say to try to dig at you, try to justify themselves by causing guilt through lies, just because youve finally gotten strong enough to not pick up that phone, to not answer and take the blame, to try to fix what always seems to be broken. I need to get away. Since I have no way of accomplishing that, Im going to be something, someone, different. Im putting me away for a while. Im sick of not being able to eat, not being able to sleep, not being able to focus on anything important, and most of all Im sick of the crying. Im sick of letting her win. Current Mood: determined Current Music: Ozma - Battlescars * 2 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
2:49 pm	YES. Last night I met up with some homies I hadn't seen in a while at McMenamins. I ordered myself a pitcher of beer, to be accompanied with a straw. Apparently they dont serve straws at this fine establishment. Rather than give me what I asked for, I recieved the tiniest fucking glass they possess that isnt a shot glass. So instead of having just one beer, I had around 10, which was a lot more than I wanted. McMenamins forces you to drink more than you want. All I wanted was a damn straw. So, um, relationships are fun, ya? * Claim the power! *
Sunday, January 28th, 2007
4:58 pm	WOW. This is by far the worst relationship I've ever been in. ( Survey follows. ) * 7 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Friday, December 1st, 2006
4:31 pm	My panic alarm has been going off lately, because I think I have a girlfriend. Oops. I'm not 100% certain, so it shouldn't be too big of a deal. Ive been sick for about 2 weeks now, which isn't so great. There is a good chance that I'm going to be spending most of Christmas break here in Corvallis, since I now have an opportunity to get paid. Thats always nice. This quiz result surprised me. * 5 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Thursday, November 16th, 2006
10:13 am	El beard is gone. Bye bye. I feel a lot less manly without it, but I'm going to assume that I look a lot better without it. * 4 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Friday, October 13th, 2006
12:06 pm	Ladies and gents, hello. Im about to go quit at goodwill. Also, Im going to the YAMS this weekend. mmmhmmm. I really thought i had something to put here. guess not. Current Mood: happy Current Music: the primitives - crash * 1 Eternian claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Monday, September 18th, 2006
9:24 pm	I need new happy music. All my old happy music is associated with sad times, and trying to make them happy. I pushed those songs too hard? Nah, the list just wasnt long enough. Current Music: The aquabats - The wild sea * 7 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Monday, September 11th, 2006
10:32 pm	Fireside chats Trends. So many. Current trend I've noticed deals with women. There are 3 of them. First is that it seems a lot of ladies throughout my life I've been interested in have had eating disorders at some point in there life. I don't think im attracted to the overly thin type, and usually they arent. Generally its a post eating disorder, or a current struggle with type situation. Secondly, I've noticed that quite a few have also been raped or molested in their early childhoods. Third, is that I am attracted to women, and then I find out they already have a boyfriend. (PS women with boyfriends should not eyeflirt with me in RA training) For the first, I know its common among women these days, and I like em thin, so its bound to be that way. I dont think this one is a big deal. For the second, I think it has something to do with the typically destructive life it lends to, and my desire to help. Third, well, I am a man who wants what he can't have. However its a subconscious thing, so whatever. Can you tell I'm in an introspective mood today? Im not good at confrontation. When people do something that bothers me, I have a really hard time letting them know. That isn't a good thing. Also, has anyone seen me actually angry? Because I can't remember the last time I was actually pissed off. Ugh, im too scattered mentally right now to convey much more. Current Music: Herbie Hancock - Rockit * 4 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
5:44 pm	hhhuuwea! boy howdy, it sure is tough being He-Man. I mean, all this saving the world and stuff. Good GRAVY. In other news, job interview tomorrow at Goodwill, and RA training tomorrow as well. New people in the building, and they are pretty cool. Im getting a larger room soon, and when I do, party will be "up in her" so to speak. Be ready. * 1 Eternian claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
9:02 am	I had been crushing over a Japanese woman this past month. 2 minutes ago she just left my building to go home. Didnt think I would be this relieved about her leaving. One less distraction. A gorgeous distraction, but that doesnt make it any easier. Quite the contrary. * Claim the power! *
Saturday, August 26th, 2006
9:11 am	Im finding myself doing tedious things like playing FF7 again, and reading, to avoid the fact that my mind wont stop. Its pretty rediculous. But. My. Mind. Won't. Stop. * Claim the power! *
Friday, August 25th, 2006
7:16 pm	Ah, you full Japanese women, you get me every time. Question is, well, you know the question. Because You know the story! Current Music: Weezma - accross the story * 2 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
3:20 am	God damn this blonde joke had me laughing my ass off. Today was a good day. Current Music: Madness - shame and scandal * Claim the power! *
Saturday, August 19th, 2006
3:04 pm	a few things I find weird that you probably wont bother reading due to length? First, this. I remember LJ used to be what i was always checking, always posting, commenting, replying, and such. Now I check it maybe 2-3 times a month. Maybe. Its just so 5 minutes ago? HA, I dont really know what it is, but its not quite the same anymore. maybe because the people I hang out with most now, are (mostly) different people that never got in on it. Meh. Oh wells, right? Second. I like hanging out with Ben and Syd. They are 2 of my best friends, and even when its just the 3 of us, I almost never feel like a 3rd wheel. Its happened maybe 3 times ever? I dunno. But it seems like I cant hang out with Jorma without feeling like one. Even before they got married. They tell each other they love each other entirely too much. With Ben and Syd, its like the three of us are doing something. With Jorma and Megan, its like they are doing something, and I'm just kinda there. My journey to the east. So I was super excited for this job, selling books door to door, in Connecticut. This is what happened. I will start with what people expect me to start off with. In sales school I met the coolest woman named Ashley. Didnt start anything, because its heavily advised against during the worksummer. But maybe there is potentail? She is really cool, and beautiful to boot, so we shall see. Thats out of the way. I had two doshers for roommates in Connecticut. One was 22, the other 24, and it felt like they relied on me to do everything. I guess Im getting to the point in life where age really does start mattering less. I guess I should have expected that, but its still a weird feeling. They were really lazy, and not very fun. Pretty much immediately I started having anxiety problems. It felt just as bad as it did when I was last here at OSU. At first I thought I just told my bosses that I was just having motivation problems, but trying to protect my ego really didnt get me anywhere. (wow, i really know how to sum up a buncha weeks real quicklike) Finally, I realized that I should probably go back home and seek therapy again. So I told my bosses a little bit of why I actually couldnt do it, and that was that. When I was getting ready to come home, I realized an incredible opportunity that was at my feet. I was on the east coast, and I had my camera with me. So I stayed up until about 2 am booking greyhound routes and hostels, and next thing I new, I was backpacking on the east coast. What a blast! First I went to Boston. That town is really cool, but I kinda got bored of it. Although the second night I was there, The Village People played in some downtown park for free, and I didnt know about it. That would have been awesome. Next, I went to Bar Harbor, Maine. Absolutely beautiful. There was a 3 mile stretch of coastline that I basically climbed up, down, and sideways the entire length, all whilst taking pictures. Quite possibly the most free moment of my life. It felt....good. One of my roommates in that hostel was freaking awesome. He tried to sneak me into the local bars, but came up unlucky. Ack, I almost forgot. On the bus ride to Bar Harbor, some crazy dude kept threatening to kill me. That ruled. So next I went to Newport, Rhode Island. To get there, I had a 8 minute window of getting off the bus in Providence, and catching the ferry that was 1.3 miles away that would go to New Port. If the FUCKING guy at the desk would have stopped arguing with me about whether I could have made it or not before giving me BAD FUCKING DIRECTIONS, I could have made it. Jackass. So instead I caught the local bus that drove down to where I wanted to go. New Port was very pretty, but I wasnt there very long. I did however make sure I caught an east coast sunrise. Luckily, they arent as pretty as west coast sunsets. Next I was off to New York City. That was REALLY cool. I am so glad I went. It was nice to do everything at my own pace, instead of at my dad's, which never lets you enjoy anything. I took tons of pictures, and as soon as I get my camera back from Nait, I will post them on my flickr. Upon arriving, I was blessed that I have such good friends. Syd and Kaitl picked me up, and Ben gave me a place to live for about 4 or 5 days. Then Syd gave me a bed to crash in for a night. And finally I had found a place to live. In corvallis. So, I moved down here, applied for financial aid, and about a billion different jobs. So Im kind of playing a waiting game right now. I just summed up 2 months of my life in a very small amount of space. This could be the cliff's notes entry or something. So Im here in corvallis, my permanent residence. Once I get the opportunity, I will move the rest of my stuff out of my dad's house, and ya. Current Mood: lost Current Music: Boston - more than a feeling * 13 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Saturday, June 10th, 2006
12:29 am	Something that humors me. Today I heard 2 situations. One person was talking about how unlucky they were with the opposite sex, and felt that it was either becuase of lack of luck, or fault of the opposite sex. When they have been on drought for a long time. Then I heard another person who had been on a considerable drought as well, but assumed it was because they were not playing the game right anymore. Basically assuming lack of luck was due to there methods and wanted to know what was wrong in order to fix them. Both people were treated like they were looking at the situation wrong. I find it kind of funny, since both are valid, yet people get all up in the airs about either "beating yourself up" when they just want to make themselves better or "blaming everyone else for your problems" when the person just has had a long string of sour luck. People like to assume that bad situations are always hand in hand with a negative outlook. I guess I bring this up, because everytime I feel that I bring up things that are not good in my life, its assumed im negative about it. Sure, sometimes my tone/inflection/mood would point that direction. But not always. Usually, I just want to know what I need to do to improve, or I'm just looking at it logically. I dont know if I needed to say all that, but I did. And I'm feeling open now. BLARG. Lets continue before I delete it! If any of my hangout friends still read this, Im going to miss you this summer. But you need to understand how important this is for me. I cant explain how fucking nervous I am. There are so many aspects to this summer job that I am not looking forward to. IT IS GOING TO SUCK. PERIOD. But. BUT BUT BUT. The UPSIDE. I will learn so much from this job. Money management. Sales skills. Dedication. Truely working hard. Not being lazy. Working towards something. If I reach my goals, I can attend school all of next year. I DO NOT want to work another job like I've spent the past year in ever again. I NEED to go back to school, and work towards something real. I need to stop being lazy. I need to stop taking the easy road. How am I going to do this? The way I always do. Jump head first. Look, I Love You, And I'm Still Here, Alright? Now you know what that means. Im tired of bottling up. Current Mood: better Current Music: Daft Punk - Robot Rock * 6 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Thursday, June 8th, 2006
11:52 pm	so those 2 dates from before i left. waste of time. thats cool. i guess i dont have to tell her stuff now that she has a boyfriend? blah. ummm, arizona was hot. like 115 every day, and 85 every night. some milf kept checking me out at the airport and on the plane. that was kinda cool. * Claim the power! *
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
6:02 pm	cancel that on the enchanted forest. blarg. * Claim the power! *
6:00 pm	I know too many people. There are so many people on my buddy list that I remember at one point thinking "im always going to keep in touch" but I just dont care to. And its apparent that they are thinking the same thing. I have plenty of friends. Which i always find weird on days like today where i spend the whole day at home looking for something to do. Ive just burned through so many people or something. That, combined with making friends at my australia trip and 2 leadership summits in colorado, has given me a lengthy list of people i could talk to. Not to mention all the people i would randomly talk to online. People from chats, forums, communities, etc. So many unfinished half friendships just lying around. I guess it means im a good people person, or something. But fuck, so many loose ends. And then I look at all the almost relationships. Ugh. It bothers me just as much. Maybe the reason both are so prominant are my fear of commitment. I mean, its so bad, Ive never been able to put a freaking sticker on any of my cars. I worry too much. Thanks Dad. Thanks a lot. Tomorrow im going to CORV to register for classes. EXCITEMENT! And i might get to go to enchanted forest after that. Now its off to powells? maybe? get a book? oh, and i settled all my debts today. that feels pretty good. * 2 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *
Monday, May 29th, 2006
1:50 am	Ive realized that 99 percent of my life is either too boring to put in here, or something i dont want everyone to know. which is fucking stupid. then again, who still reads this, anyway? I've re-enrolled at OSU. Wednesday I register for classes. Might get to go to the enchanted forest too! That would totally rule. See? Ive already said too much. Things come back to bite me. Im surprised I havnt deleted that yet. Im gonna try to leave that there. Test of will or something. LILYAISHA * Claim the power! *
Sunday, May 21st, 2006
11:54 am	I was almost a king. I have never been blocked so hard before in my entire life. * 2 Eternians claimed the power ~ Claim the power! *